so i love pen pals - i really do. so i started being pen pals with two girls - which quickly turned into 14. so i started a group for penpals on the lovely facebook.
this idea came to me because i recieved a message reading the following:
"are you the one to talk to about pen pals? :)" so i figured - if there are so many girls who want penpals - why not start a group - get this thing goin - it should be so much fun! so i started it - and i realize its going to be a big project. but i'm okay with that. i need something else to do. yeah i might spend a little extra time on facebook matching people and what not - but thats okay with me - i will make sure everyone who wants one - gets a pen pal. because pen pals are worth it. they make getting the mail fun. they give something to look forward to getting - when waiting from a letter from the boyfriend/fiance/husband - theres also a letter from another military S.O. waiting there for you. so you have more than one thing to look forward to! i personally LOVE LOVE LOVEE getting mail. it makes my day in an instant. and if by taking on this HUGE project i can make another girl smile - thats all that matters to me. (:
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Hospital
okay - so my hospital visits were long and ever lasting. when i got my surgery in July - i was in for nine days - home for one & a half - back in for nine - home for the weekend & a monday - back in by tuesday for four then i avoided them all together. i went up to the hospital two nights ago, got a surgery yesterday afternoon & was home by last night. because the girl they put in my room woulda kept me up all night - so they let me come home. woo! hospitals i've noticed just are so different from one another. typically my hospital stays would have all been at the same place - with the same people. but this surgery was extremely last minute because my birthday on tuesday (october 19) i was feeling really sick - and wednesday it was no better, so my NEW surgeon said to come to the hospital and expect surgery within 24 hours - so we did. i was admited - by morning i was having an ultra sound - but 11:15 i was in the recovery room waiting for my surgey - by noon i was in the OR laying on the table talking to my surgeon & the team, then suddenly knocked out cold(: haha. i eventually woke up and once i came to it - i asked my mom what they found. i had three extremely bad scarring from adhesions that my other surgeon swore werent there. i had an adhesion still there - that they left alone because it wasnt bothering anything and was wrapped tight around something. they found a small cyst on my left ovary that they also left alone. and a small hernia, i dont know where, but they too left that alone. there was excessive scar tissue from where my appendix would have been & they said they thought that since my appendix was retrograde - that when they removed it, it exposed the raw tissue there that bled - which caused some of my pain. along with the fact that the scar tissue basically clogged my intestines. but they said all is well now - i need to watch what i eat for a few months until everythings better & do some walking & get moving around so my insides start moving around as well. but hopefully this solved those problems for now.
in the future i may have to do something about the cyst - depending on if it grows or not. its just something we're gona have to watch i suppose.
in the future i may have to do something about the cyst - depending on if it grows or not. its just something we're gona have to watch i suppose.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Accusations
accusations can really destroy someones life. i've known this but i've never really fully understood that first hand. not to a degree anyway. up until yesterday. (October 13, 2010) it was awful. i cried. i got angry. i threw things. i broke things. i went to my bestfriends to vent, but had a fantastic time, and pretty much ignored all that garbage that had been thrown at me just an hour before. i wanted nothing more than to just crawl into a hole and cry. but then i sat there, and i realized i didnt need that kinda crap. and it wasnt worth it. my relationship with my boyfriend meant a lot more to me than any of that & i wasnt going to lose him because some bitch with no life TRYS to tear me down as a person & attacks my relationship. well, bitch got nothin on me.
Monday, October 11, 2010
College Picks!
so i need to start picking out colleges. so its hunting time! i've looked at schools in North Carolina so far and found a school, that may suit me well, its in a small town, which is what i wanted. and its not to far from a lot of support i know. but i just dont know where i want to be set. i wana make my boyfriend happy with where were at, because il be there for a few years, yah know? so its kinda hard to pick if he wont help me.
i dont wana pick somewhere where he wont be happy. grr. so why doesnt he help? cause hes stubborn! thats what he is! haah.
i miss him and his stubborn rear <5
i dont wana pick somewhere where he wont be happy. grr. so why doesnt he help? cause hes stubborn! thats what he is! haah.
i miss him and his stubborn rear <5
Sunday, October 10, 2010
I'm A Military Girlfriend
I am a military girlfriend. I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be. I am at the bottom of the chain. I hold no military ID card, I am not a “dependent” or a parent. The man I love may face unspeakable dangers, and I am at the mercy of those who possess this recognition for news. I understand this and accept this.
I am a military girlfriend. I have promised to be here for him upon his return, no matter how long he is away. People may say I am insane for making such a commitment with no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe to me. I know full well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.
I am a military girlfriend. There is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment, but it means he will be home for me. I hope every day that he will call because a 30-second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions…smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based on a brief communication where “I love you and I’m okay” speaks more than volume, and gives me the strength to keep going.
I am a military girlfriend. I take no moment spent together for granted. I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice, and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but wake up the next morning, brush myself off, and start a new day.
I am a military girlfriend. The events of the next several months hold my life, my love, and my future in the balance. When you watch the news reports, you may turn away and go about your business relatively unaffected. When I watch news stories of the war, I do not see nameless soldiers a half a world away. I see individuals who will be forever changed by war. News of every casualty causes me physical pain and deep sadness.
I am a military girlfriend, not a spouse or a family member. When you say your prayers for the wives, mothers, and fathers, please don’t forget about me…
I am a military girlfriend. I have promised to be here for him upon his return, no matter how long he is away. People may say I am insane for making such a commitment with no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe to me. I know full well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.
I am a military girlfriend. There is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment, but it means he will be home for me. I hope every day that he will call because a 30-second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions…smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based on a brief communication where “I love you and I’m okay” speaks more than volume, and gives me the strength to keep going.
I am a military girlfriend. I take no moment spent together for granted. I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice, and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but wake up the next morning, brush myself off, and start a new day.
I am a military girlfriend. The events of the next several months hold my life, my love, and my future in the balance. When you watch the news reports, you may turn away and go about your business relatively unaffected. When I watch news stories of the war, I do not see nameless soldiers a half a world away. I see individuals who will be forever changed by war. News of every casualty causes me physical pain and deep sadness.
I am a military girlfriend, not a spouse or a family member. When you say your prayers for the wives, mothers, and fathers, please don’t forget about me…
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Half Boy, Half Man
The average age of the military man is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's, but he has never collected unemployment either. He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away. He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and a 155mm howitzer. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk. He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must. He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop, or stop until he is told to march. He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts. If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.. He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job. He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay, and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death than he should have in his short lifetime. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed.. He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away ' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful. Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom. Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years. He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding. Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood. And now we even have women over there in danger, doing their part in this tradition of going to War when our nation calls us to do so. As you go to bed tonight, remember this shot. . ... A short lull, a little shade and a picture of loved ones in their helmets. Prayer wheel for our military... please don't break it Please send this on after a short prayer. Prayer Wheel 'Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen.' When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our ground troops in Afghanistan , sailors on ships, and airmen in the air, and for those in Iraq , Afghanistan and all foreign countries. There is nothing attached.... This can be very powerful.. Of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Sailor, Coastguardsman, Marine, or Airman, prayer is the very best one.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Rain
rain seems to be hitting all over the country.
hail hit the valley of Arizona for the first time in yeaarss, making it the first time many have seen hail.
four tornados hit down in Arizona on the 5th (&6th). with winds up to 106 mph.
its been 15 years.
arizonas been gettin hit hard.
the rain was the topic of the day. specially since it came out of no where. my town had become flooded. we had trucks out sucking up water from the streets & pulling trees out of the middle of the road so the roads were still usable.
il post pictures later<3
hail hit the valley of Arizona for the first time in yeaarss, making it the first time many have seen hail.
four tornados hit down in Arizona on the 5th (&6th). with winds up to 106 mph.
its been 15 years.
arizonas been gettin hit hard.
the rain was the topic of the day. specially since it came out of no where. my town had become flooded. we had trucks out sucking up water from the streets & pulling trees out of the middle of the road so the roads were still usable.
il post pictures later<3
Monday, October 4, 2010
Is It Hard?
it seems im getting a lot of questions lately about whether or not having my boyfriend deployed over seas was hard. its kinda a stupid question if you ask me. of course it was. it was scary. it was saddening. it was lonely. it was a constant worry. i've also been asked if i ever miss him, again, DUH. i miss him before he even leaves (for work or something) it doesnt matter, deployed or not. im always missing him. hes the person who makes everything go away. of course i miss him when i cant have him. specially when hes stateside, so close yet still so far away.
so really honestly, before you ask these kinda questions, think about it.
if your one and only were to leave and go straight into a war zone everyday for work, and be away from you for what seems like decades. wouldnt you miss him? of course you would.
so really honestly, before you ask these kinda questions, think about it.
if your one and only were to leave and go straight into a war zone everyday for work, and be away from you for what seems like decades. wouldnt you miss him? of course you would.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Insomnia
sleep is an issue in my world. its not something that im given much of. its not something really wanted anymore. sure, it would be nice. but going to sleep, its saddening. theres just this empty spot right next to me and then i start thinking about "what if he were here" and then i cant sleep. if i do get lucky enough to sleep, then waking up is an issue. i wake up, to that same empty side of the bed. i've tried sleeping across my bed, backwards on it. i've tried it all. it just doesnt work. my bed is to big for me to take up. sleeping in the middle is just uncomfortable for me so i cant do it.
so when i lay down, i lay there until my eyes force themselves down. in the meantime, i stare at my ceiling and miss him. and wish. and pray. and hope. and maybe cry. nights belong to him, they always have, always will. but hes not here for any night. which makes it harder.
my window remains cracked open for him to hopefully maybe one day just crawl right into bed with me. thats just something i kinda look forward too. i know at least it wont happen anytime soon.
hes much to busy
but i love him still more than anything, i dont mind not sleeping anymore. sometimes i wish i could, but it can only get better from here<5
so when i lay down, i lay there until my eyes force themselves down. in the meantime, i stare at my ceiling and miss him. and wish. and pray. and hope. and maybe cry. nights belong to him, they always have, always will. but hes not here for any night. which makes it harder.
my window remains cracked open for him to hopefully maybe one day just crawl right into bed with me. thats just something i kinda look forward too. i know at least it wont happen anytime soon.
hes much to busy
but i love him still more than anything, i dont mind not sleeping anymore. sometimes i wish i could, but it can only get better from here<5
Its October!
October means many things
-Halloween
-Birthday
-Sisters Birthday
-Half-Sisters Birthday
-Uncle Birthday
-Step-Sisters Birthday
-Aunts Birthday
-Aunts Anniversary
-Candy
-Fall Break
& probably other stuff that i'm forgeting too.
October also means:
-Breast Cancer Awareness Month
-Domestic Violence Awareness Month
-Filipino American History Month
-National Arts & Humanities Month
-Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender History Month (LGBT History Month)
-National Cyber Security Awareness Month
-World Blindness Awareness Month
-American Pharmacist Month
-National Dental Hygiene Month
-National Down Syndrome Awareness Month
-National Infertility Awareness Month
-National Domestic Violence Awareness Month
-National Lupus Erythematosus Awareness Month
-National Physical Therapy Month
-National Spina Bifida Awareness Month
-Rett Syndrome Awareness Month
-Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Awareness Month
-Childrens Book Week (in England)
-German Unity Day
-Freethought Day
-World Food Day
-Apple Day
-Navy Day
-Mental Illness Awareness Week
& probably more other days i'm also forgetting.
October:
-famous as "Red October" because of the Russian October Revolution (1917)
-Slavs call it "yellow month", from the fading of the leaf; to the Anglo-Saxons it was known as Winterfylleth, because at this full moon winter was supposed to begin
October Symbols
Birthstone is Opal. Opal is thought to contain the power to predict illness. because the opal responds to heat. Sickness increases body temperature before signs of illness appear. The increased body heat causes the opal to lose its shine, leaving it dull and lacking color. It is also said that the opal will crack if it is worn by someone who was not born in October.
*can also express every color in the visible color spectrum(:
Flower: calendula
-Halloween
-Birthday
-Sisters Birthday
-Half-Sisters Birthday
-Uncle Birthday
-Step-Sisters Birthday
-Aunts Birthday
-Aunts Anniversary
-Candy
-Fall Break
& probably other stuff that i'm forgeting too.
October also means:
-Breast Cancer Awareness Month
-Domestic Violence Awareness Month
-Filipino American History Month
-National Arts & Humanities Month
-Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender History Month (LGBT History Month)
-National Cyber Security Awareness Month
-World Blindness Awareness Month
-American Pharmacist Month
-National Dental Hygiene Month
-National Down Syndrome Awareness Month
-National Infertility Awareness Month
-National Domestic Violence Awareness Month
-National Lupus Erythematosus Awareness Month
-National Physical Therapy Month
-National Spina Bifida Awareness Month
-Rett Syndrome Awareness Month
-Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Awareness Month
-Childrens Book Week (in England)
-German Unity Day
-Freethought Day
-World Food Day
-Apple Day
-Navy Day
-Mental Illness Awareness Week
& probably more other days i'm also forgetting.
October:
-famous as "Red October" because of the Russian October Revolution (1917)
-Slavs call it "yellow month", from the fading of the leaf; to the Anglo-Saxons it was known as Winterfylleth, because at this full moon winter was supposed to begin
October Symbols
Birthstone is Opal. Opal is thought to contain the power to predict illness. because the opal responds to heat. Sickness increases body temperature before signs of illness appear. The increased body heat causes the opal to lose its shine, leaving it dull and lacking color. It is also said that the opal will crack if it is worn by someone who was not born in October.
*can also express every color in the visible color spectrum(:
Flower: calendula
That Guy
Dream Guy
the guy girls dream about having, like comee onnn. starting QB, a mister tough guy, the bad but good boyy, the most handsome guy in the world, yeah, i know not a single girl that would pass a guy like that up. hes the school jock, the one who can have anybody he pleases. the guy with the player status. hes the biggest ass in the world sometimes, but you wouldnt want to go a day without him, he just seems to fill in the gap & he can constantly find a way to make you smile. he acts like a weirdo, the most adorable weirdo you've ever seen, just because he thinks it might be fun. the one guy it seems impossible to be with. but insane to even think of being without. - yuup! thats my man(:
I Love This Man
i love everything about him. his talents and abilitys exceed others, and anybody would be lucky to get the heart of a man like that. well, i have his heart, and he has mine. its just me and him and no one can come between us. sure, jock=popular. thats a given, and of course people are gona try to tear us apart, but its just not gona happen. we're to close, we're to strong for that to happen. theres no tearin us down from where were at. i love this man and il shout it from the rooftops, i absolutely with all that i am, love this man. i'm just a little girl, with dreams larger than life and i dont like being in the spotlight, and i dont like paying attention to people under a spotlight. i do my own thing and i get by. i'm nothing like the girls guys like him usually date, a small town girl from the midwest, a place so different than most. its not typical. and i love it. we're from two completely different worlds, and we came together to form our own.
-->He Loves Me For Me
its not something that many people actually do. theres typically always something someone would change. but he loves everything about me, because it makes me. yeah sure he doesnt really favor some things, but he still loves me. he loves me for who i am, not what he can make me.
It Still Amazes Me
it truly amazees me how someone like him can love someone like me so much. being with me isn't exactly easy, and im not one to really throw myself out there. i stay guarded always. jock=spotlight. always. its how it is. i avoid spotlights. i stay back and do my own thing and pay no mind to all that. and out of all people, this man, standing in this spotlight, sees me. and loves me truly. and wouldnt change me or try to change me. he thinks im perfect [for him] and its just plain amazing. i wouldnt trade this life with him for anything in the world<5
Trust
jocks are hard to trust. naturally the player status is attached to them. so they go with it. reputations tend to be an important thing to football players. and me, naturally having my trust problems, instantly it would be reaction to push people away who are hard to trust. but it was different with him. it was an automatic thing to love him and trust in him completely. its only a label after all. he trusts me with what he says to me, and i trust him with all i tell him.
the guy girls dream about having, like comee onnn. starting QB, a mister tough guy, the bad but good boyy, the most handsome guy in the world, yeah, i know not a single girl that would pass a guy like that up. hes the school jock, the one who can have anybody he pleases. the guy with the player status. hes the biggest ass in the world sometimes, but you wouldnt want to go a day without him, he just seems to fill in the gap & he can constantly find a way to make you smile. he acts like a weirdo, the most adorable weirdo you've ever seen, just because he thinks it might be fun. the one guy it seems impossible to be with. but insane to even think of being without. - yuup! thats my man(:
I Love This Man
i love everything about him. his talents and abilitys exceed others, and anybody would be lucky to get the heart of a man like that. well, i have his heart, and he has mine. its just me and him and no one can come between us. sure, jock=popular. thats a given, and of course people are gona try to tear us apart, but its just not gona happen. we're to close, we're to strong for that to happen. theres no tearin us down from where were at. i love this man and il shout it from the rooftops, i absolutely with all that i am, love this man. i'm just a little girl, with dreams larger than life and i dont like being in the spotlight, and i dont like paying attention to people under a spotlight. i do my own thing and i get by. i'm nothing like the girls guys like him usually date, a small town girl from the midwest, a place so different than most. its not typical. and i love it. we're from two completely different worlds, and we came together to form our own.
-->He Loves Me For Me
its not something that many people actually do. theres typically always something someone would change. but he loves everything about me, because it makes me. yeah sure he doesnt really favor some things, but he still loves me. he loves me for who i am, not what he can make me.
It Still Amazes Me
it truly amazees me how someone like him can love someone like me so much. being with me isn't exactly easy, and im not one to really throw myself out there. i stay guarded always. jock=spotlight. always. its how it is. i avoid spotlights. i stay back and do my own thing and pay no mind to all that. and out of all people, this man, standing in this spotlight, sees me. and loves me truly. and wouldnt change me or try to change me. he thinks im perfect [for him] and its just plain amazing. i wouldnt trade this life with him for anything in the world<5
Trust
jocks are hard to trust. naturally the player status is attached to them. so they go with it. reputations tend to be an important thing to football players. and me, naturally having my trust problems, instantly it would be reaction to push people away who are hard to trust. but it was different with him. it was an automatic thing to love him and trust in him completely. its only a label after all. he trusts me with what he says to me, and i trust him with all i tell him.
Inseperable
like peanut butter and jelly yoo!
me & my marine that is.
he proved to me that opposites attract.
my true love, his real love.
were basically almost completely opposites, and yet we're completely in love with one another. and its reaal. its lifee. its me and him forever. we may not be legally married, but at heart right now we really are. theres no one better than that man i swear it<5 i'd die for him no questions asked. we've been through a lot together, but we've always come out in the end, TOGETHER. we have what a lot of people havee, and we balance eachother out, perfectly.
he definitely proves me wrongg on a lot of things. but thats okay, its something much needed. hes changed the way i think about things, and the way i approach certain things. hes just the most perfect person for me in the world. hes my numero uno forever & always for sureee. everything we've been through has definitely been worth it, that wont ever changee.
me & my marine that is.
he proved to me that opposites attract.
my true love, his real love.
were basically almost completely opposites, and yet we're completely in love with one another. and its reaal. its lifee. its me and him forever. we may not be legally married, but at heart right now we really are. theres no one better than that man i swear it<5 i'd die for him no questions asked. we've been through a lot together, but we've always come out in the end, TOGETHER. we have what a lot of people havee, and we balance eachother out, perfectly.
he definitely proves me wrongg on a lot of things. but thats okay, its something much needed. hes changed the way i think about things, and the way i approach certain things. hes just the most perfect person for me in the world. hes my numero uno forever & always for sureee. everything we've been through has definitely been worth it, that wont ever changee.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Used To Be Weeks
prior to the marines -
wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, clean, work, eat, sleep. lather, rinse, repeat basically. then magically one sweet September day in 2009, my weeks turned to this: wake up, myspace, school, home, myspace, myspace, homework, myspace, eat (maybe), myspace, &eventually sleep. december of 2009. it became: wake up, school, home, homework, check myspace for a hopeful message, sleep. the meals quickly ended. then towards the end of december, it became: wake up, text him, go back to sleep, wake up, school, text him during school, text him, chores while texting him, homework while texting him, but no sleep. those were my favorite days. i hardly ever slept, like ever. my day consisted of talking to my marine for days on end without sleeping. we both did our best to fight our sleep for as long as we could, before we finally passed the eff outtt. hahaa. then he started calling; it was what i looked forward to, i would for sure not sleep, and i would stay up on the phone all night and then go to school more tired than anyone else no matter what day of the week it was. weekends seemed to be endless, phone calls were at night, but all day it was texting, there really wasnt much of a time we didnt talk. if i slept, i was guarenteed to wake up to a "goodmorning beautiful" no matter what, i always had one. goodnights were hard to say, they were very unwanted, not talking was something that wasnt wanted, talking was what we wanted to do, whatever it took to be able to have eachother, least a little more. they were the times i loved the most. but eventually goodnights got easier, sleep time was around more.
deployment time -
wake up (hopefully to a goodmorning), go to school, wait a few hours, text him for a little (anywhere from 2 minutes to a few hours), then bed. sleep didnt come easy during deployment. days were longer than belief, and time just wouldnt slow down when i got to talk to him. things just seemed to become a little more difficult each day. eventually, i was forced to go a week without talking to him. keeping in mind, since we've been together, we've talked pretty much all day everyday for the most part. the week finally ended and i got to FINALLY talk to him again, and it was good, it was amazing. i talked to him that day, then the next day, he went off to work again, yay, just what i was looking forward to. wrongg. i still was worrying about him, then i didnt hear from him that day, or the next, so my panic was a little more up than usual. then, a day i know il never forget, i was sitting on the floor staring at a picture of him on the wall, i had facebook pulled up and my phone in my lap waiting for a text from him. just to see his name come across my phone was all i wanted. i had this weird feeling something was terribly wrong but i ignored it because it couldnt be right. then theres an IM from his bestfriend telling me he was in the hospital and he had been hurt. it was awful. i refused to believe it and i kept waiting for that text, five minutes of staring at my phone i realized it wasnt gona happen.
coming home -
wake up. [hopefully a text]. school. homework. eat a little. clean. sleep.
or
wake up. [hopefully a text]. school. homework. eat a little. clean. hopefully text. sleep.
talking really became minimal. it didnt happen much. not talking to him, was something that became daily. i would get at least an i love you a day though. the conversations became less, well, conversations. we would talk, but about nothing. "yeah" "uh huh" "mhm" "yeh" they were common. i would have a week and a halfs worth of "yeah" "uh huh" "mhm" "yeh" in my phone at a time. then i realized, how much of a busy boy he really is. i accepted our very small conversations, and i just kept reminding myself, he loves me. things seemed to be harder once he came home than they were when he was gone.
now -
wake up. school. [hopefully a text]. homework. a text by at least 8 or 9. talk until i pass out.
hes still a very busy boy. i still accept that. he has things he has to get done. being as i dont feel good. days get harder to get through. its much more exhausting to breathe. so i stay up all day, and then by the time i get to talk to him, im so exhausted from the day, i end up just passin the eff outt, and he doesnt like it, i know he doesnt. but i dont know what else to do. i try to get as much sleep as i can and i try to fit some sleep in around his schedule. but the fact that he hardly ever sleeps makes it kinda hard sometimes, nights belong to him, they always have. but now i just want nothing more than to be with him, so i can just fall asleep in his arms and i know he would just be a lot more understanding and fine with it because he would be right there with me. but thats not possible. i'm accepting that. and im trying my best, but its still not good enough, so im working on finding another way to do things to make him happier.
P.S. i miss the sound of your voice<5
wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, clean, work, eat, sleep. lather, rinse, repeat basically. then magically one sweet September day in 2009, my weeks turned to this: wake up, myspace, school, home, myspace, myspace, homework, myspace, eat (maybe), myspace, &eventually sleep. december of 2009. it became: wake up, school, home, homework, check myspace for a hopeful message, sleep. the meals quickly ended. then towards the end of december, it became: wake up, text him, go back to sleep, wake up, school, text him during school, text him, chores while texting him, homework while texting him, but no sleep. those were my favorite days. i hardly ever slept, like ever. my day consisted of talking to my marine for days on end without sleeping. we both did our best to fight our sleep for as long as we could, before we finally passed the eff outtt. hahaa. then he started calling; it was what i looked forward to, i would for sure not sleep, and i would stay up on the phone all night and then go to school more tired than anyone else no matter what day of the week it was. weekends seemed to be endless, phone calls were at night, but all day it was texting, there really wasnt much of a time we didnt talk. if i slept, i was guarenteed to wake up to a "goodmorning beautiful" no matter what, i always had one. goodnights were hard to say, they were very unwanted, not talking was something that wasnt wanted, talking was what we wanted to do, whatever it took to be able to have eachother, least a little more. they were the times i loved the most. but eventually goodnights got easier, sleep time was around more.
deployment time -
wake up (hopefully to a goodmorning), go to school, wait a few hours, text him for a little (anywhere from 2 minutes to a few hours), then bed. sleep didnt come easy during deployment. days were longer than belief, and time just wouldnt slow down when i got to talk to him. things just seemed to become a little more difficult each day. eventually, i was forced to go a week without talking to him. keeping in mind, since we've been together, we've talked pretty much all day everyday for the most part. the week finally ended and i got to FINALLY talk to him again, and it was good, it was amazing. i talked to him that day, then the next day, he went off to work again, yay, just what i was looking forward to. wrongg. i still was worrying about him, then i didnt hear from him that day, or the next, so my panic was a little more up than usual. then, a day i know il never forget, i was sitting on the floor staring at a picture of him on the wall, i had facebook pulled up and my phone in my lap waiting for a text from him. just to see his name come across my phone was all i wanted. i had this weird feeling something was terribly wrong but i ignored it because it couldnt be right. then theres an IM from his bestfriend telling me he was in the hospital and he had been hurt. it was awful. i refused to believe it and i kept waiting for that text, five minutes of staring at my phone i realized it wasnt gona happen.
coming home -
wake up. [hopefully a text]. school. homework. eat a little. clean. sleep.
or
wake up. [hopefully a text]. school. homework. eat a little. clean. hopefully text. sleep.
talking really became minimal. it didnt happen much. not talking to him, was something that became daily. i would get at least an i love you a day though. the conversations became less, well, conversations. we would talk, but about nothing. "yeah" "uh huh" "mhm" "yeh" they were common. i would have a week and a halfs worth of "yeah" "uh huh" "mhm" "yeh" in my phone at a time. then i realized, how much of a busy boy he really is. i accepted our very small conversations, and i just kept reminding myself, he loves me. things seemed to be harder once he came home than they were when he was gone.
now -
wake up. school. [hopefully a text]. homework. a text by at least 8 or 9. talk until i pass out.
hes still a very busy boy. i still accept that. he has things he has to get done. being as i dont feel good. days get harder to get through. its much more exhausting to breathe. so i stay up all day, and then by the time i get to talk to him, im so exhausted from the day, i end up just passin the eff outt, and he doesnt like it, i know he doesnt. but i dont know what else to do. i try to get as much sleep as i can and i try to fit some sleep in around his schedule. but the fact that he hardly ever sleeps makes it kinda hard sometimes, nights belong to him, they always have. but now i just want nothing more than to be with him, so i can just fall asleep in his arms and i know he would just be a lot more understanding and fine with it because he would be right there with me. but thats not possible. i'm accepting that. and im trying my best, but its still not good enough, so im working on finding another way to do things to make him happier.
P.S. i miss the sound of your voice<5
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