sleep is an issue in my world. its not something that im given much of. its not something really wanted anymore. sure, it would be nice. but going to sleep, its saddening. theres just this empty spot right next to me and then i start thinking about "what if he were here" and then i cant sleep. if i do get lucky enough to sleep, then waking up is an issue. i wake up, to that same empty side of the bed. i've tried sleeping across my bed, backwards on it. i've tried it all. it just doesnt work. my bed is to big for me to take up. sleeping in the middle is just uncomfortable for me so i cant do it.
so when i lay down, i lay there until my eyes force themselves down. in the meantime, i stare at my ceiling and miss him. and wish. and pray. and hope. and maybe cry. nights belong to him, they always have, always will. but hes not here for any night. which makes it harder.
my window remains cracked open for him to hopefully maybe one day just crawl right into bed with me. thats just something i kinda look forward too. i know at least it wont happen anytime soon.
hes much to busy
but i love him still more than anything, i dont mind not sleeping anymore. sometimes i wish i could, but it can only get better from here<5
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