Used To Be Weeks

prior to the marines -
wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, clean, work, eat, sleep. lather, rinse, repeat basically. then magically one sweet September day in 2009, my weeks turned to this: wake up, myspace, school, home, myspace, myspace, homework, myspace, eat (maybe), myspace, &eventually sleep. december of 2009. it became: wake up, school, home, homework, check myspace for a hopeful message, sleep. the meals quickly ended. then towards the end of december, it became: wake up, text him, go back to sleep, wake up, school, text him during school, text him, chores while texting him, homework while texting him, but no sleep. those were my favorite days. i hardly ever slept, like ever. my day consisted of talking to my marine for days on end without sleeping. we both did our best to fight our sleep for as long as we could, before we finally passed the eff outtt. hahaa. then he started calling; it was what i looked forward to, i would for sure not sleep, and i would stay up on the phone all night and then go to school more tired than anyone else no matter what day of the week it was. weekends seemed to be endless, phone calls were at night, but all day it was texting, there really wasnt much of a time we didnt talk. if i slept, i was guarenteed to wake up to a "goodmorning beautiful" no matter what, i always had one. goodnights were hard to say, they were very unwanted, not talking was something that wasnt wanted, talking was what we wanted to do, whatever it took to be able to have eachother, least a little more. they were the times i loved the most. but eventually goodnights got easier, sleep time was around more.

deployment time -
wake up (hopefully to a goodmorning), go to school, wait a few hours, text him for a little (anywhere from 2 minutes to a few hours), then bed. sleep didnt come easy during deployment. days were longer than belief, and time just wouldnt slow down when i got to talk to him. things just seemed to become a little more difficult each day. eventually, i was forced to go a week without talking to him. keeping in mind, since we've been together, we've talked pretty much all day everyday for the most part. the week finally ended and i got to FINALLY talk to him again, and it was good, it was amazing. i talked to him that day, then the next day, he went off to work again, yay, just what i was looking forward to. wrongg. i still was worrying about him, then i didnt hear from him that day, or the next, so my panic was a little more up than usual. then, a day i know il never forget, i was sitting on the floor staring at a picture of him on the wall, i had facebook pulled up and my phone in my lap waiting for a text from him. just to see his name come across my phone was all i wanted. i had this weird feeling something was terribly wrong but i ignored it because it couldnt be right. then theres an IM from his bestfriend telling me he was in the hospital and he had been hurt. it was awful. i refused to believe it and i kept waiting for that text, five minutes of staring at my phone i realized it wasnt gona happen.

coming home -
wake up. [hopefully a text]. school. homework. eat a little. clean. sleep.
or
wake up. [hopefully a text]. school. homework. eat a little. clean. hopefully text. sleep.
talking really became minimal. it didnt happen much. not talking to him, was something that became daily. i would get at least an i love you a day though. the conversations became less, well, conversations. we would talk, but about nothing. "yeah" "uh huh" "mhm" "yeh" they were common. i would have a week and a halfs worth of "yeah" "uh huh" "mhm" "yeh" in my phone at a time. then i realized, how much of a busy boy he really is. i accepted our very small conversations, and i just kept reminding myself, he loves me. things seemed to be harder once he came home than they were when he was gone.

now -
wake up. school. [hopefully a text]. homework. a text by at least 8 or 9. talk until i pass out.
hes still a very busy boy. i still accept that. he has things he has to get done. being as i dont feel good. days get harder to get through. its much more exhausting to breathe. so i stay up all day, and then by the time i get to talk to him, im so exhausted from the day, i end up just passin the eff outt, and he doesnt like it, i know he doesnt. but i dont know what else to do. i try to get as much sleep as i can and i try to fit some sleep in around his schedule. but the fact that he hardly ever sleeps makes it kinda hard sometimes, nights belong to him, they always have. but now i just want nothing more than to be with him, so i can just fall asleep in his arms and i know he would just be a lot more understanding and fine with it because he would be right there with me. but thats not possible. i'm accepting that. and im trying my best, but its still not good enough, so im working on finding another way to do things to make him happier.




P.S. i miss the sound of your voice<5